I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
