i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
