We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I think my moral compass just broke
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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