this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
