It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
