I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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