I think i peed on brittanys purse
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
