I feel like abortions should bother me more
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
