Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
