i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
