Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
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