Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
