you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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