I am spending my child support on dildos
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
