mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
