I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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