Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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