Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
