Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Found the puke drawer
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
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