dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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