WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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