i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
