Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
