I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
