So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
