well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
