bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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