i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
