I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
