Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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