I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
she looked like the before picture.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I wish there were birth control emojis
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
