Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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