...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize