so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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