We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
