I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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