i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize