No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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