Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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