Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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