for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
i think im in europe. pls send help
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
