dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize