if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
