He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
