I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
