My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
