I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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