I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
