im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I just got carded by a ten year old.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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