Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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