he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Randomize
