I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize