There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
