and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
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