Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
