Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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