i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
