they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
