Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
