Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
