i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
