Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
