It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
