Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
