can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
