how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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