Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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