Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
