I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
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