And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
