you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
