He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
