He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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