He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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