Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
