i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Randomize
