thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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