as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
