Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
