Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
