i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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