I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
