Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You're a waste of cheezeits
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
