I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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