I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Randomize
