what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
