D3 body, D1 cock
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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