i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
So many bounce houses so little time
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
