conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
do nipples grow back?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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