Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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