thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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