Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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