where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
