I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize