Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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