hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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