discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
My penis needs a shock collar
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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