Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
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