the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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