he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
