why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
