then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
