A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
