Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize