You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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