Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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