I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize