I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
