I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
