she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize